Ramblings of a Plus Size Mom

by - 12:39:00 PM

Turning on the music channel in the morning usually helps me go through the day more smoothly and regain that lost energy somewhere. I never used to be a morning person, but when I became a mom for the very first time, 4 years ago, motherhood switched on by itself. Staying up late, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early, well that's all part of it too.
I feel vulnerable and sensitive most of the time. Music pumps you up but it can also trigger - unwanted - emotions.
Maybe I am just so attached and committed to my mamahood tasks that I am unaware how much I am stressing myself. Do I forget to connect with myself? Sometimes. Do I wonder if I am doing a good job? Every single day.

“Being human is the most terrible loneliness in the universe.”
― A.A. Attanasio

Sure, family and friends are there to listen to you, to confide in them, to support you but really at the end of the day, you are alone. Alone with your own thoughts and your own will to either move forward or stay in place. Alone with your own ambitions, your own goals and your own ability to evaluate your competence in doing things. Alone in choosing to breathe, to move, to act, to respond, to neglect, to perceive, to see and even to avoid. I believe Faith is the one thing that accompanies us and helps us mold a steady path, a somewhat virtual safety net that protects us, guides us and comforts us. Motherhood is a self-sacrifice to raise the next generation. It's like laying a firm foundation of love, stability, faith, morality, worldview, ethics and values under your children.

Doubts arise sometimes. The plus size fashion community has given me more confidence about myself than I have ever had before. But in some other domains, I fight my own demons. Anxiety. I get stressed easily. Even though I try to take things more rationally, information rushes too fast and I am overwhelmed. When it comes to being a mom, embarking into a new territory was one huge adjustment. Making decisions for another beautiful soul is stressful. I know all mothers have these obsessions, freak-mode, protective attitude towards anything related to their children. It is lonely being a mom. Not to think that I don't enjoy motherhood, I do! My 4 year-old is my ray of sunshine. He is my little angel.
But when the world sleeps, moms are still wide awake - even if their eyes are shut...

I saw this music video this morning and it made sense. As simple as the lyrics are, the music is reviving.

He said, "One day you'll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember."

Sometimes, we easily constrain ourselves into one thing and we drain ourselves.
Vent out. Do something that makes you happy daily. Listen to music that makes your whole body smile.
Dance. Remember that this is your life and you get one shot.
Flip your life around - see yourself from a different perspective.
Try something new and make those happy heartbeats pound loud.

I guess it is one of those posts where I just need to vent out.

Please share your thoughts.

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Have a fabulous day lovelies Xx

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